At the very first meeting of this class, Jim(ster) imparted upon us the reason he became a Methodist: he was late for Unitarian service on the same day. Most of us laughed, and I know that I joked with Jim for a few days, telling him that his was the worst excuse ever.
After sitting through an hour and fifteen minutes of the craziest service ever, I’ve come to the conclusion that this must, in fact, be a very common excuse. Universal Unitarianism is about the most wishy-washy faith I’ve ever sat in on, and wound up being the complete and total opposite of my expectations.
Jim hyped the services of being arts-centric, and to a large degree, it is. Walking into their “sanctuary,” if you ignore the weird man assigned to be this week’s greeter, you notice an art gallery. Going into the actual gathering space, there isn’t any overbearing stained glass, just simple origami, some embroidery on an unused table, and some floral arrangements. A professional accompanist played “Funeral March of the Marionette.” Fantastic. Then the children came out and paraded around the seats in store bought Halloween costumes before being whisked back to the basement for Religious Exploration Class or some cultish thing. Less fantastic.
The leader, Rev. Frank Carpenter, asked us what our favorite costume was, and I noted how the quality of Darth Vader costumes had gone down since I was a kid. A few of the more friendly denizens of the gathering hunted Bill and I out, because we had nametags designating us as new. They all encouraged us to come back next week, and to stay after the service for cookies and coffee, one of them even emphatically stating that it sounded like a whole meal…and not just cookies.
If Bill and I had thought about staying, it was quickly dispelled. I have nothing against Alice Walker, nothing against the Earth Charter, and nothing against people asking me to send positive energy to cancer patients. It’s all well and good. More awesome music was played, and a good chunk of the Gospel of Mark was read.
Then we went to the psalms. I don’t remember both of them, suffice to say that one was influenced by Native American songs. Fitting, considering that the Hopi Indians were brought up several times, but it was hard not to laugh at a group of 45-55 year old white people chanting “hey-ya, hey-ya, ho-ya,” laughing themselves, and continuing as if they knew the whole exercise was futile.
The highlight of the morning was Rev. Carpenter’s speech, wherein we learn that the words of the Bible were cultural buzzwords. “THIS IS MY SON, WHOM I LOVE,” (typed in caps to convey the awesome power of God) really meant that “we’re in the midst of a really awesome paradigm shift.” The question was weather or not we would cling to the shore of familiarity or allow ourselves to be swept up in this awesome torrent of change. I think as somebody who used to give speeches, I found the correlation kind of funny: when caught in the awesome torrent of anything remotely close to water, clinging to the sides tends to be preferable to going with the flow and drowning.
I got his point though: humanity needs to change in order to survive. The ways of the world are changing, and we need to change with them. To punctuate this, Chopin’s “Marche Funebre” was played…the funeral march for those of you who are unfamiliar. The song finished and Bill and I scurried away before anybody could force us into eating cookies and drinking coffee until the Rapture.
I suppose you could say I was bitterly disappointed with the experience. I was really looking forward to going to this place, but was completely put off by the non-committal attitude of many of the members. Global warming was bad. Possible extinction was bad. But hey…we’re in the midst of a really awesome paradigm shift!
I was looking forward to an art-centric service, but I really fail to see what purpose it served in the end. I suppose that the term “Universal Unitarian” means that you accept all faith backgrounds, but when you try to squeeze it all in while stripping the overarching moral tones in favor of corporate buzzwords, something gets lost in translation.
I went in looking for a spiritual experience, but it just didn’t pan out.
Also, why is a Unitarian place of gathering named after a saint?
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